I know, hardly anything from me these days. I'm pretty sure my health is no big deal - if I was meant to keel over it should have happened already. Uh... As far as doing artwork: My brain has hit a concrete wall. I still write up ideas here and there but my creative process is... laughable. I can't keep focused on one specific task (and usually I burn myself out if I stay on it). I'm very prone to flights of fancy. I think about other things as I do the thing I'm supposed to be doing. I say it's a side effect of factory life and possibly the very mundane life I've lived. So say, I have this ambitious story idea. I get down to it, then I'm distracted by "how much x game sucked" and "y amounts of things I'd change to make it good". Or I think back on a previous life experience and attempt to twist it into a distorted piece/commentary. This is not good and I've struggled to reign it all in to focus. For about two years though, I've remained romantically solitary. Trying to change that has also buggered my work ethic. Now, I found being loved like that does something tremendous for me, but it alters the type of art I do. I calm down. I go for dark and beautiful instead of anger-fueled gore fests and physically tormented depictions. This scares me, even though I could probably live with being changed if it meant I was much happier. Anyway, it's not just that neglect that chips at me. I have a basically dead YouTube channel - another failed foray into entertaining others. My Patreon (which right now remains neglected too) has been empty since I created it. I have tried to make myself marketable. Nothing I do has demand. I return it in kind, by keeping mum and doing nothing. Now, that might be the wrong attitude. I might be letting insecurities get the best of me and I stop trying where I should push. I'm not even forty and it feels like my ambition to get people entertained or to possibly think puts me past my prime. To be blunt: My life does suck, I have no motivation, and I can't get the help or support I need. Very shitty post for sure, but that's the news so far.